


You Okay?

by aubreytruthfully



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experience, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:25:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aubreytruthfully/pseuds/aubreytruthfully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam gets injured on a hunt before Castiel gets the chance to tell him how he feels</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Okay?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lostinmymindforever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/gifts).



Prompt:

Sam wanting Cas, Cas wanting Sam, neither of them realizing the other has feelings for each other, too scared about ruining their friendship by telling, Sam gets hurt, has to go to the hospital, Cas doesn't know if he's gonna make it or not so he confesses his feelings, Sam recovers, they have sex with lots of cuddles  
\---------------------------------------------------

Castiel wasn’t sure what happened. Although, it was his fault that he didn’t know what was going on. He’d been avoiding the Winchesters—or more specifically, Sam Winchester. Not that he wanted to be away from the man, it was the complete opposite. It seemed as though all Cas wanted was to be around Sam, but he knew that it would never work. Sam didn’t love him, no matter how much Castiel wanted him to.

So that’s how Cas got here, sitting in some waiting room. Dean was ranting, practically throwing a fit. They happened to be lucky that there weren’t any others in the ICU waiting room.

“Why can’t you just fucking fix him?!” Dean shouted angrily at the angel and Cas cringed. He would give anything to be able to fix Sam, but he was too weak. Didn’t Dean know that Cas had thought of that? Didn’t Dean realize that he would’ve already fixed Sam if he could?

“Dean, I already explained to you, I’m too weak to fix him. He’s too injured for me to fix him with what little power I have right now,” Castiel couldn’t look Dean in the eyes. He was ashamed of the fact that he couldn’t make this right.

“Why weren’t you there Cas?” Dean’s voice softened and he slid down the wall until he was seated. Cas could see how the fight was draining out of him.

“I wish I had been Dean,” he muttered gently. “What happened out there?” Castiel was a little scared to ask the question, but he hated just having to wonder about it.

“I don’t know,” Dean had his face in his hands and his voice was shakier than normal. “One minute we were fighting off that damn spirit and the next…” Dean’s voice trailed off. “The next there were so many of them. Sam had only researched one, there wasn’t evidence for any more. I should’ve known. The case was going too easy. But they just kept throwing him around and I—I couldn’t stop them. It took me too long to get them to leave him alone. I, uh, I called some other hunters to take care of it though…bastard spirits won’t be hurting anybody else.”

“I’m so sorry Dean,” Castiel wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Me too Cas…me too,” the man murmured.

They both waited around knowing that there wasn’t anything else they could do. Cas’ vessel felt excruciating pain. He could feel it all over and there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t strong enough to fix Sam. It wasn’t helping that he wasn’t entirely sure that the doctors could either.

A man had come to visit them and Dean had sat up eagerly—it was the first moment that Cas had seen the shine back in his eyes. The doctor told them how serious Sam’s injuries were. She kept saying things about broken bones, so many broken bones, internal bleed—something about needing surgery?—possible brain damage, but she suspected it was a concussion, and that she wasn’t sure if he’d make it. That was the part that stuck.

Sam might not make it.

“Recovery time would be pretty lengthy if he wakes up,” her voice sounded like it was a thousand miles away and Cas was straining to hear her. “The damage that we can see if pretty severe, but we won’t know the complete extent unless he regains consciousness.”

Castiel was waiting Dean to say something, but he didn’t. Dean got up and walked out of the room.

“Sorry,” Cas managed to choke out, “he’s just…this is…”

“Very hard,” the doctor had sympathetic eyes.

When Dean finally returned a few hours later it was because it was visiting hours. He didn’t tell Castiel hello, didn’t even acknowledge him. Cas could see the anger and sadness written in his green eyes, but his face remained still and free of emotion. Normally, visiting time was pretty short for an ICU, but the nurses had given them both these sad looks. Castiel didn’t have to hear them to know that they didn’t think Sam would make it. After all, why would they? 

Dean was sitting beside Sam’s bed, talking softly to him. Castiel stood by the door, not wanted to intrude. If this was the last moment that Dean would ever get with his brother then Cas wasn’t about to disturb it. Despite the nurses telling them that if they wanted a few minutes longer they could have it, Dean had turned it down. 

“I’ll be in the waiting room,” Dean’s voice had lost its sweet tone from talking to Sam, it had hardened now that he was talking to Cas. “I can’t…I just,” the man sucked in a deep breath before walking away.

Castiel was alone in the room with Sam. He knew that Sam was still there in that body, that poor, broken body. Everything about Sam seemed to have vanished and yet Cas could still feel him. It was as if he was surrounded by it. Quietly, he sat beside the man’s bed. His eyes absorbed all of Sam’s features. Beneath all the wires and tubes and beeping sounds, Cas could see Sam’s ever-growing locks, eyelashes spread against his cheeks, arms still so full of muscle, legs too long for a hospital bed, and scars scattered across his skin. Cas knew that underneath closed lids were the hazel eyes that he could never get out of his head. 

If Cas had ever tried to deny how he felt about Sam, he didn’t anymore. Castiel was looking down at a dying man and all he could think about was how much he loved him.

“Sam,” he started, letting his hand grip Sam’s, “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there. I…I should’ve been. Maybe I could’ve…” he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter now does it?” Cas almost smiled because he sounded like Sam when he was reprimanding Dean. “I never wanted anything like this to happen to you. Even when I was in heaven, just hearing whispers about the famous Winchester brothers. Do you know how much people talked about you two?” he asked, but Sam didn’t answer. “It was a lot. They used to say that you both had this important purpose to the world. Some would say that you were bad and Dean was good, but I never felt that way. I remember that some would whisper about you overcoming your destiny and becoming something better.” Cas swallowed hard. “Deep down, I always believed those people…Good thing I did too, because they were right.”

Silence fell in the room. Castiel kept expecting someone to come in and tell him to leave, but no one came. They felt him be.

“You became so much more than anyone thought you could Sam,” he gripped the man’s hand a little tighter. “You proved them all wrong and I got to watch you do it. You…you…you changed me Sam. You made me human in all the best ways. You showed me how to feel all these things, how to see the world, how to speak for myself. I’d throw away all of my grace a thousand times if it meant that I still got to have you around. And not just because of Dean, but because of you Sam. I’d do anything for you…” Cas’ vessel wasn’t taking kindly to the sadness; tears were pricking his eyes.

“Sam I…I…” he stumbled over his words. “ Sam, I love you. I’ve always loved you. It’s always been you. You’re the only one. I would’ve never known what this kind of love felt like if it hadn’t been for you. I just…I love you Sam.”

Maybe he was imagining it, but he could’ve sworn that Sam squeezed back. “Sam?” Cas asked, finding himself getting to his feet, but not releasing Sam’s hand. Once again, he thought that he felt a squeeze, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up—not too high at least. It didn’t matter though because a nurse came in and told him that he had to go. He wasn’t surprised. He knew that they wouldn’t let him stay here all night.

The next day, Castiel was alarmed when Dean burst into the waiting room. It was rather early and Cas had brought Dean some coffee and food. If Cas had also gotten another coffee for Sam out of habit, well, no one needed to know that he couldn’t manage to throw it away. 

“It’s Sammy!” Dean looked breathless and all the life had been thrown back into his eyes. “He woke up, he fucking woke up Cas!” Suddenly, Castiel was enveloped in a very tight—almost painful—hug. Dean’s shoulders were shaking a little, but Cas wasn’t about to call him out on his joyful tears. “I can’t believe it!”

“I’m so…I’m so happy,” Cas mumbled. He was speechless. He was so happy that he couldn’t feel anything anymore. It was like he was floating.

Despite Sam waking up, he was still pretty banged up. The doctor released him from the ICU and placed him in a regular room. Mostly, Sam slept. Cas and Dean both knew that the man much be exhausted and it didn’t help that they were loading him up with painkillers. At least when he was sleeping, Cas knew that he wasn’t submerged in all the pain.

It had been a couple days and Dean was running low. Castiel showed up whenever he knew that Sam would be sleeping. Just in case Sam had remembered what Cas told him before, he needed to make sure that he wasn’t around when Sam was awake. However, his best friend was going to end up hurting himself if he didn’t get some food and rest. Eventually, Cas showed up late at night.

“Cas,” Dean jumped a little at the appearance of the angel. 

“Dean, you should get a room.” Cas instructed. “Get some rest and food. I can see how low you’re running.”

“You don’t see anything Cas,” Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Sammy’s going to be feelin’ fine soon and then I can sleep.”

One hour, seventeen minutes, and twenty-eight seconds later, Cas finally got Dean to leave and get a motel room. While relieved that Dean was getting to rest, he was nervous being here with Sam alone. The man was beautiful when he was consumed with sleep. Cas could already see where some of the bruises were fading and that his skin was regaining its normal color—no longer sickly pale. Castiel was a little ashamed at the way he was staring at Sam, but he couldn’t stop. He ended up sitting beside Sam’s bed.

Hours passed and Cas was still antsy. He wanted Sam to wake up, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted Sam to remember what he’d told him a couple days ago. Ever so gently, Cas took Sam’s hand in his own. The man’s fingers were long and callused. Scars were littered over the skin from how much he worked with his hands. Sam’s hands were something that Cas always admired about the man. He’d seen Sam do so much with so hands. He’d watched him do the cruelest of things and the kindest of things, the hardest of things and the easiest of things, the ugliest of things and, of course, the most beautiful. In his mind, Cas had seen Sam’s hands do even more. He’d imagined them touching him, caressing his skin, showing him how much he loved him, making him feel things that Cas was a little scared to truly feel.

“Cas?” Sam’s spoke with a rough voice, bleary eyes blinking open.

“Sam? You okay?” Cas was instantly concerned. 

“Fine, I just,” the corners of Sam’s mouth turned up into an almost-smile, “didn’t expect you.” Sam coughed before grimacing from the motion.

“Don’t move too much, your ribs are probably still pretty sore,” Castiel tried not to get too excited with the hope that maybe Sam wanted him here—had been waiting for him to show up.

“M’fine Cas,” Sam relaxed back against the bed.

“No, you’re not Samuel,” Cas frowned a little. “You almost died. You’re very far from fine.” Cas looked down at his feet. “Don’t say that you’re fine. Don’t lie. You don’t know how wor—how upset Dean was. He’d smack you for saying that you were fine.”

“Sorry Cas…I know…I’m not completely fine,” Sam squeezed Cas’ hand and Cas realized that he hadn’t let go. They’d been holding hands this entire time. “I just don’t want you to worry too much…you know…about Dean being worried about me.”

“Dean will be fine,” Cas confirmed. “He’s been a lot better since you got out of the ICU. I finally got him to go get some sleep.”

“Good.” Sam gave a slight nod. “He needs to sleep.”

It got quiet after that. Only this time it wasn’t without tension. Castiel wondered briefly if he should leave, but then decided that he didn’t have the will power to do that without any provocation. He hoped that Sam would just fall back asleep, but it seemed as though that wouldn’t be happening. The man was wide-awake despite how many pain medications he was on. Cas imagined that over the years, both of the Winchesters had built up a tolerance to things.

“I can leave if you would like me to…let you get some rest,” Cas rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“No!” Sam said quickly and a little too loud, “I mean, just don’t go. I…I don’t want to be alone.”

“Okay,” Cas nodded and took a seat again, “I’ll stay.”

“Can I ask you something Cas?” Sam inquired and Castiel nodded. “If you love someone and you think that maybe they love you too, but things are pretty damn complicated and you’re not sure about anything, what do you do? I mean, if you can’t get them out of your head and they’re the first thing you want to see every morning and the last before you go to sleep and there’s nothing in the world that you could want more, what do you do?”

“I wouldn’t know Sam,” Cas bit his lip. “I’m not the person to asking these things. I don’t know about them.”

“Just try okay? What if they were so much more than you, you know? Like, what if they were this perfect thing, full of beauty and redemption? And what if you were this tainted thing, full of bitterness and lost hope?”

“Sam, if you’re referring to yourself…then I wouldn’t say that you were tainted,” Castiel offered the only answer he could. It was hurting to hear Sam say this. Part of him wanted to hope that maybe Sam was talking about him, but he knew that was unlikely. 

“Or what if you heard them tell you that they loved you, but they didn’t know you’d heard it? And what if all you wanted in that moment was to say it back, but you’re body wouldn’t cooperate?” Sam’s eyes locked onto Castiel’s. “What if you still wanted to say it back?”

“Then I’d say it,” Castiel’s breath was coming fast.

“I love you Cas,” Sam’s eyes were still holding Cas’ with the same intensity. Hazel was consuming Castiel.

“Sam,” Cas breathed out the name.

“Did you mean it when you said those things? Do you love me?” Sam looked vulnerable, but honest. The man just wanted an answer and Castiel couldn’t lie to him.

“Yes,” he nodded. “I love you Sam. I love you…I just love you,” Castiel almost chuckled at how pathetic his words seemed.

“Good,” Sam’s entire body seemed to unwind. “Needed to know that…just don’t change your mind,” Sam’s eyes were fluttering as his IV began pumping again. “And don’t leave again…want…y’here…” Sam drifted off and all Cas could think about was the fact that Sam still had a hold of his hand and that Cas never wanted to let go.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The doctor had been right. It was a couple months into Sam’s recovery and everyday was tough. Sam was in pain almost constantly. His broken bones were almost all healed (Cas might’ve used the little of his power he had left to assist with the healing) but Sam’s muscles were weaker and the surgeries he’d had made his physical therapy workouts a challenge—though Cas supposed they were supposed to be challenging.

Dean seemed happy that Sam was okay, but Cas knew that the man was itching for a hunt. He wanted his brother back completely. Sometimes Dean and Castiel would fight over the fact that Cas couldn’t just heal Sam completely. They fought about it enough that Castiel spent way too much time feeling guilty over the fact. He wanted to just make this easy on Sam, but he didn’t have enough power. He’d fallen a little too far and he never wanted to go back.

“Cas, you’re doing it again?” Sam’s voice broke through his trance.

“Huh?” 

“You’re doing that thing where you think too hard,” Sam chuckled.

“Sorry…I uh…just get lost in my thoughts sometimes.”

“You know, Dean’s going to be gone for a while.”

“I’m aware,” Cas nodded, “He wanted to meet up with those hunters who were struggling on their case.”

“Which means that we have some time together…alone,” Sam was smirking and then Castiel finally got what he was hinting at.

“Oh…well…” Cas wasn’t sure what to say. They both had admitted that they had feelings for each other, but there hadn’t been a whole lot of time for just them. They hadn’t even kissed yet, although Cas knew that Sam had tried a couple times before being interrupted by Dean. They certainly hadn’t tried anything else and just the thought of it was making Cas nervous and excited. “You’re a little…you’re not all better.”

Sam laughed lightly and Cas couldn’t help but smile when he heard the sound. “Cas, I was just meaning that,” he grabbed Cas’ tie, pulling him closer, “if you wanted,” Sam’s breath was on Castiel’s lips and he’d never been quite this close to the man, “to kiss me,” Sam’s nose brushed against his, “I wouldn’t say no.” Just like that, they were kissing. Sam’s mouth was tentative and Castiel thought his lungs might burst. Slowly, Sam pulled away and Cas was left chasing after his lips.

“I thought you’d…” Cas ducked his head.

“Thought I’d what?”

“Well, I thought that maybe you’d changed your mind about me.”

“You thought I’d changed my mind?” Sam looked incredulous and then he chuckled. “Cas, you don’t need to worry about that. I’ve wanted this for so damn long.” Sam’s palm found its way to Castiel’s cheek, tipping Cas’ face up. “I should be the one worrying about you changing your mind.”

“That’s foolish,” Cas could feel himself blush.

“S’not foolish,” Sam leaned in until their foreheads touched. “You’re an angel. A literal angel. You’re beautiful in ways I can’t explain and know more things than I could dream of.” Once again, Sam’s mouth was so close to Cas’, lips so near to each other that it felt as though they were touching. “You’re the closest taste of heaven that I could ever want.”

Castiel was about to argue. He might’ve been an angel, but he wasn’t ‘beautiful’ (Dean said that term was used for girls anyways) and he was frequently astonished by Sam’s intelligence. As far as a taste of heaven? Sam would get far more than just an angel. The man was destined for heaven. Sam had redeemed himself in ways that the angels never thought could happen. However, all those points were lost on his lips. Sam’s hand never left his cheek, only used it to tip and guide Cas closer into the kiss. Sam’s other hand was wrapped in a cast, but Castiel assumed that if it hadn’t been, Sam would’ve had that hand involved too.

The kissing was exploratory. Each of them attempting to figure out all the best ways to please the other. Castiel wasn’t ignorant towards the ways of humans, but he didn’t have a plethora of experience to rely on in this department. It pleased him when Sam made a comment about how Cas was a ‘damn fast learner’ in-between kisses.

Being very cautious of Sam’s injuries, Castiel was reluctant to make too many movements. Sam, on the other hand, was a little more eager about it. The man pulled as much as he could on Cas, leaning them back onto the too-small couch. Legs straddling Sam, Castiel was a little shocked by the gasp he made. The noises that Sam made were only ones of encouragement, but Castiel still didn’t want to hurt him. Although he couldn’t manage to stop now. Sam was circling his hips just any and sucking gently on Castiel’s tongue. Not knowing what drugs felt like, Cas made a guess that this is what it might feel like. His head was floating and his skin tingled intensely. It was overwhelming the way all these little movements combined into this huge sensation.

“Sam, I,” he gasped as Sam sucked on his collarbone, “I want…” Well, he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He supposed that maybe the next logical step would be sex, but Sam wasn’t well enough and Castiel wasn’t sure that he was mentally prepared for that step. But he also wasn’t sure that he could just stop now. Nothing had ever quite felt like this. Everything about Sam was intoxicating; the way he looked, smelled, tasted, and felt.

Sam hushed him, “It’s okay Cas,” he murmured against the angel’s lips. “I’ll take care of you, just follow me lead, okay?” From anyone else Castiel thought it might sound condescending, but from Sam’s mouth, it was mild and comforting.

“Okay,” Cas breathed out.

Sam’s hands pulled him closer and Castiel could feel Sam’s arousal—suddenly he wanted things even more. Their legs slotted between each other and Cas wondered briefly if he’d ever felt like he’d fit somewhere so perfectly. The hands on his hips tugged Cas down against Sam’s thigh and he couldn’t stop the moan from coming out. Sam rocked up against him and encouraged Cas to do the same. He couldn’t believe the sounds that were falling from Sam’s lips. He’d never heard them before, but now, all Castiel wanted to do was hear them over and over again. Nothing had sounded so perfect. Without warning, Sam pressed their lips together again. Each motion of kisses swallowed the sounds of moans.

Slightly amazed, Cas realized that he had lost track of his movements. They became something fluid and second natured. There was just something about the feeling that came so easily. Shirts had been discarded and Cas could feel how messy his hair was becoming. Sam continued to encourage him on and Cas was eating up every movement from the man. It almost hurt how much pleasure was building up inside him. Cas had forgotten anything that existed outside of Sam and the raw sensation that he was feeling.

“Cas,” Sam whined out, his head tipped back leaving his neck exposed for Castiel to kiss and taste. “Your hand, please, need to feel you.”

Unsure exactly what he needed to do—his brain couldn’t catch up with everything—he was thankful for Sam’s hand shoving Cas’ hand towards his groin. Quickly getting to work, Cas unbuttoned Sam’s jeans. He heard Sam sigh in relief as Cas shoved his jeans down until he could get his hands on him. Cas was enamored by the fact that he was literally holding Sam’s pleasure in his hand. Sure, his movements weren’t perfect, but he got the gist of it and Sam’s moans were helping him become a little more secure in his motions.

He’d been so caught up in touching Sam that Cas jumped a bit when he felt the man tugging at his button. Castiel leaned back a little so Sam could get a better angle and his eyes fluttered when Sam pressed the palm of his hand against Cas’ cock. Feeling skin on skin contact like this was more than Castiel ever thought that it could be. At the moment, he was sure that there was nothing better than this—although if anyone could prove him to be wrong it would be Sam.

“God, you sound so hot,” Sam yanked him back into a kiss. “Wish I could do more,” his voice was practically dripping with lust and it made another shot of arousal go down Cas’ spine.

Both their hands were working quickly. Kisses had turned into something closer to moaning against each other’s lips. Their hips were in constant motion. Everything felt perfect, but it just continued to build. Cas couldn’t suck in enough breath and he felt overwhelmed by sensation.

“Gonna, fuck Cas, gonna come,” Sam moaned the words out and Cas didn’t have time to truly think about them before Sam was spilling over his hand. Castiel’s pleasure spiked up at the sight of Sam losing it beneath him. Cas could hear each hitched breath and could see each burst of come covering Sam’s torso. It was too much. Castiel felt like his body was bursting at the seams. He was pretty sure that he was moaning Sam’s name, but he couldn’t hear it over the sensations that were taking over his mind. Sam was saying something, but Castiel still couldn’t hear. He felt like his body was turning inside out. Time seemed to stretch on forever, but not quite long enough at the same time. Just as quickly as it began, it ended, and Cas practically collapsed on Sam.

“Damn,” Sam sighed contentedly. Cas could feel his chest rising and falling. “Should’ve done this earlier.”

Castiel debated answering, but decided against it. He just wanted to rest touching Sam without having to think about much of anything. There had never been a moment in Cas’ life that he felt this relaxed. It was sort of perfect.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recovery continued on its slow path, but Castiel was pleased with the improvements that Sam was making. He might’ve argued with Dean about when Sam was going to be ready to hunt again—but it hadn’t taken much to win. Dean didn’t really want to put his brother in danger, he was just suffering from a little bit of cabin fever (literally).

“You called?” Castiel appeared in front of the brothers. While he enjoyed spending as much time with Sam as possible, he still forced himself to keep some distance on occasion. After all, they hadn’t really had a discussion with Dean about their current relationship status. Cas had an idea that Dean already knew, but Sam wanted them to have a proper conversation.

“Saw the doctor today,” Sam smiled, dimples flashing, “and they gave me the all clear.”

“Told him to take it easy, but that he was all healed up,” Dean added.

This seemed like one of those moments when Sam would’ve wanted Cas to kiss him. Cas wanted to, but he had a feeling that Dean wouldn’t have appreciated the action as much as Sam would.

“That’s good,” Cas smiled a little. 

“Good?” Dean scoffed. “It’s fucking awesome!” Dean slapped Sam on the shoulder affectionately. “We can finally get back to work. Only this time without any accidents,” Cas could vaguely hear the tension in Dean’s voice at the mention of an accident. 

“I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble,” Sam rolled his eyes playfully.

“You better,” Dean commented. “Pansy.” he added at the end. Of course, Dean always had to keep up his big-brother, tough façade. Castiel decided that he shouldn’t call him out on it. “I say that we should celebrate.” Dean announced.

“I don’t know Dean,” Sam shrugged. 

“He is still in a compromised state,” Cas contributed. “We shouldn’t push him too hard.”

“Okay…I’ll go out and celebrate,” Dean paused, “and you two can have your own little celebration here.” Sam and Cas both blushed at the wink that Dean added at the end.

“Dean, we—we…” Sam stumbled over his words.

Cas wasn’t sure if he needed to say that there was nothing going on between them or apologize for the fact that there was something going on between them. They’d managed to work around that conversation for months now.

“I already know Sammy,” Dean took his turn at rolling his eyes. “Firstly, neither of you are good at refraining from all your lovey-dovey stares. Secondly, you’re not very quiet when you assume I’m sleeping.”

“Dean, I apologize…I…” Castiel was just as lost as Sam.

“Don’t apologize!” Dean laughed. “Believe me, I’m way over the shock. I’m more into the I-don’t-care stage of things.”

Deep down, Castiel figured that Dean didn’t really mean that. He couldn’t imagine Dean not caring at all. But Cas could sense the genuineness of Dean’s approval. It pleased him. As much as he cared about Sam, he still craved approval from Dean. He always wanted them both to be happy and as it was turning out, he was able to be happy along with them. Glancing to the side, Cas could see the grin that was splitting across Sam’s face. It was beautiful look on him. Sam had obviously been craving Dean’s approval too. 

“I’d tell you to use a condom, but I don’t suppose that feathers over here can get pregnant and I know that you can’t Sammy—no matter how much you act like a girl.” Dean was nearly out the door. “Oh, and I will be coming back by morning, so you better have gotten all the fucking out of your systems. Sick of listening to you two.”

He could hear Dean’s laugh as he walked out of the door. It was silent until they both heard the Impala driving away.

Gasping in surprise, Cas was suddenly being shoved against the wall. Sam’s mouth was covering his and his hands were already stripping Cas of his coat. “I’ve wanted this…you…for so long,” Sam got the words out between kisses and Castiel felt helpless to the goodness of the feeling. “Was hoping he’d leave,” Sam pulled away long enough to pull his own shirts off and Cas’ eyes dropped to take in the expanse of skin. “Didn’t know how long I could…wait…now that…the doc...gave me the all…clear,” Sam’s mouth was pressing kisses to Castiel’s neck. It was overpowering how quickly Sam could get his vessel to react. He couldn’t even think of a way to respond other than relishing in the feeling of Sam unbuttoning his shirt and undoing his tie.

“You okay?” Sam pulled away leaving Cas breathless. “We don’t…if you’re not ready I’m okay with that. I know that you’ve…you know.” Sam’s face was covered with concern.

“I, uh,” Castiel’s mind was starting to clear enough to speak. “Want you. Want this. Wanted it for so long Sam.” Being a little bolder, Cas curled his fingers on the back of Sam’s neck and made their lips connect. “You’re everything.” He hadn’t meant to say the words, but it was too late to take it back.

“Cas,” Sam nearly growled. The man lifted Castiel up—Cas’ legs wrapping around his waist—and kissed him roughly. “You’ve no idea how,” Sam pulled them away from the wall and Cas tightened his grip, “perfect you are and I’m gonna show you.” Castiel shivered at the words.

It was a little amazing how Sam just carried him into the bedroom. They both landed on the bed with a soft ‘umf’ before they kissed again. Castiel moaned at the feel of Sam’s tongue sliding against his. Sam moved a little quicker this time at getting their clothes off. They hadn’t really done too much—or too often—both of them patiently waiting for Sam to be healed up. Now, Cas was looking at Sam and in complete awe. He was fully aware that humans were works of art, each one an individual and remarkable piece of his father’s, but Sam was the most beautiful one Cas had ever seen. Sam was all perfectly colored skin and the body that his father must’ve sculpted with other gods in mind.

A soft sound echoed in the room when Cas’ pants hit the ground. Not having noticed that Sam had been removing his pants, Cas blushed. He had been so caught up in looking at the man before him. Sam smiled at him, there was heat in his eyes, but kindness in his grin. It wasn’t that Castiel didn’t know how all these things worked, because he did, he’d researched things. However, now that he was attempting it, it all seemed more confusing. Luckily, Sam’s body was covering his again and holding his hand. Cas felt safe.

“If you ever need me to stop, I will,” Sam promised. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Sam’s fingers brushed through Castiel’s shorter hair.

Sam left Cas long enough to rummage around in his things and then shot Cas a quick smirk when he found the lubricant. By the time that Sam actually got around to using it, Cas had forgotten about it. They’d kissed for so long, bodies grinding and sliding with each other. Cas hadn’t even heard the cap snap open, but he certainly felt it when Sam’s slick finger rubbed over his hole. 

“Sam,” Cas keened, not familiar with the feeling.

“This okay?” Sam asked quietly, still circling Cas’ hole teasingly.

“Yes, yes,” Cas nodded.

He could feel Sam smile against the skin on Cas’ neck. Slowly, Sam’s finger slid inside. Castiel made little noises at the intrusion. It was an unusual feeling, but not necessarily bad. Once Sam got a rhythm going with his finger, Cas found like he actually liked it. Sam was murmuring sweet nothings into Cas’ ear as he pumped his finger in and out. 

“More, need…Sam,” Castiel begged. What Sam was giving him wasn’t enough. He needed to feel more. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Sam informed him and Cas relaxed at the words. It was strange how much the thought of Sam taking care of him truly affected him. 

Another finger entered Cas’ body and he tensed at first, but then let go. Soon, there were three fingers moving with ease in Cas, curling, teasing, and showing Cas things that he didn’t know he could feel. By this time, Cas was aching with want. He’d had enough preparation. He was ready.

“Sam, I need to feel you,” Cas forced his eyes open to look at Sam’s hazel ones. 

“Yeah,” Sam sounded breathless. “Just, uh, need you on your hands and knees. It’ll make it a little bit easier for you.”

Castiel could only nod before getting into position. The little slick noises clued Cas in on the fact that Sam was now lubing himself up. Just the thought of Sam right there behind him, cock hard, and ready to claim Cas as entirely his was thrilling. Arousal was pulsing through Castiel’s veins. He couldn’t think. 

When he could feel Sam pressed against him, Cas took a deep breath. Nothing could’ve truly prepared him for what this felt like. The head of Sam’s cock stretching his entrance. Cas clenched his eyes shut, not sure if he was feeling just pain, just pleasure, or some odd combination of both. Sam kept his palm to Castiel’s lower back, giving slight pressure and comfort. The movement was extremely slow, Sam obviously being as cautious as possible—which Cas had to admit that he appreciated.

“You okay?” Sam asked for what felt like the billionth time that evening, but each time he asked it there was more heat in his voice.

“Uh huh,” Cas nodded and took in several breaths. “Just a lot. Feels…different.” Castiel concluded before realizing that maybe that wasn’t the best description of it for Sam to hear. “Good different.” He added quickly.

They waited a couple more moments for Cas to adjust. Part of him worried that he was taking too long, that Sam was probably getting bored, but Sam just ran his hands over Castiel’s skin in adoration. It was hard for Cas to assume that Sam was upset when he felt like he was being worshipped by the man. “Move please,” Cas managed to say, but then words were quickly stolen when he felt Sam pull almost completely out before doing a slow press back in. “M-m-more,” Cas’ arms were shaking a little and he leaned down on his elbows.

Sam followed Cas’ orders and was moving in a steadier rhythm. Castiel was whimpering at the feel of it. He could feel every centimeter of Sam, he felt like he was being filled completely with the man. Cas was beginning to understand why people craved this. He’d never felt so connected to anything in his life. It felt as though he and Sam weren’t two different people anymore at all. Somewhere along the way, they’d morphed into one and Cas was shocked by how awestruck it made him to feel that way. All this time he’d been so conscious of the fact that Sam was a human and he was an angel. He’d been so worried about all the things that made them different and yet the same. Now, all he could see was how perfect they were together and how well they fit. How could he have ever wondered if he truly loved Sam or if Sam truly loved him?

His thoughts were pushed to the side when he felt Sam’s hand wrap around his cock. He hadn’t realized that he’d gotten softer through all of this. Suddenly, he worried that Sam thought he didn’t want this, but the way that Sam kissed over his shoulders and back made those worries fade. Every press of Sam’s lips and every thrust of Sam’s hips and every stoke of Sam’s hand felt like fire on Castiel’s skin, on his heart. 

“You’re so perfect Cas,” Sam moaned as he thrust back inside. “So fucking perfect.”

Any articulate answer that Castiel could’ve given ended up coming out into a drawn out keening sound. He could hear Sam chuckle a little, but it didn’t feel demeaning. Everything about this just felt good. 

Another gasp fell from Cas’ lips when he was pulled up against Sam’s chest. The position change felt like it changed everything. He could feel himself stretch in a new way, but now Sam’s cock was pressed even harder against whatever it was that was driving Castiel completely mad with want. Sam’s hand started moving faster over Castiel’s cock and Cas whimpered shamelessly.

“Love you Cas,” Sam nipped at his ear. “Fuck, you’re everything…I…everything I ever wanted.” Sam was moaning the words out as he bit down Castiel’s neck.

“I—I need…Sam,” Cas’ breath was coming faster. Sam’s hand was driving him insane, not to mention Sam’s relentless thrusts that were only picking up in speed.

“What’dya need? Tell me Cas, give you…give you anything,” Sam growled out and Castiel’s body ached with how much he needed.

“I’m close, please Sam…I’m…never felt anything like this…Sam—Sam I,” Castiel babbled out, but even with all the things that he and Sam had tried, nothing could be compared to this. Nothing could live up to feeling like he was completely surrounded and consumed and completed by his human. By Sam. His Sam.

“Mmm Cas,” Sam groaned loudly, “want you to come for me Angel.”

“I…I…” Cas gasped.

“Come on,” Sam thrust sharply and flicked his thumb over the head of Castiel’s leaking cock. “Let go for me Cas.”

That last little whisper in Castiel’s ear was what knocked him over the edge. He lost himself in the feel of it. He was coming over the sheets and Sam’s hand. His body spasmed in the best of ways. This was the strongest thing that Cas had ever felt and it seemed to continue to drag on. Sam’s thrusts were becoming erratic, but his hand still lightly pumped Cas’ sensitive cock—drawing out every shred of pleasure from his body. Castiel was nearly limp against Sam, head resting on Sam’s shoulder.

A soft cry came from behind him and he knew that Sam was coming. It would forever be his favorite sound. For a moment, Cas thought that he might cry from how perfect it all felt—how good it was to know that Sam had gotten just as much as he did out of it all. Sam was mumbling things, but Cas couldn’t really decipher them. Eventually, they couldn’t hold themselves on their knees anymore. Sam was extremely gentle as he pulled out of Cas and Cas hissed a little at the shift in his body. Both collapsed down on the bed, not really caring that the sheets were covered in sweat—and worse. It felt too good to move.

After catching their breaths, Cas watched Sam get up from the bed. Cas’ eyebrows furrowed and he almost whined at the loss of Sam being beside him. Sam only chuckled, “Just gettin’ somethin’ to clean us up.” Castiel eased up once more knowing that Sam would be right back.

Sam cleaned them both gently, making sure not to touch Cas too roughly now that he was over sensitized. Cas sighed contentedly as Sam crawled back in the bed with him, both of them finally underneath the covers. Instinctually, Castiel curled up next to Sam, resting his head on the man’s chest. He could hear Sam’s heart beat and feel the rise and fall of his breath. Briefly, he thought that he could stay in that exact spot forever, but he saw the flaws in that plan. Sam’s arm was curved around him to pull him closer and Sam’s other hand was stroking little designs over Castiel’s skin. 

“You okay?” Sam whispered.

Castiel laughed into Sam’s chest, “Yes. I am definitely okay.”

“I keep asking that don’t I?” Castiel could hear the smile in Sam’s voice.

“Yes, you do.” He responded.

“I just…I want to,” Sam sighed. “Never mind.”

“You want to what?” Cas asked curiously.

“I just want to, you know, make sure that I’m taking as good care of you as you always…as you always do for us.” Sam buried his face in Castiel’s hair; pressing kisses there.

Castiel’s body warmed at the thought. He’d spent so long looking after the Winchesters. In the beginning, he’d been ashamed of his attachment to the brothers—how he wanted to watch out for them. After a while, he didn’t care anymore; they showed him things that he hadn’t known were out there. Eventually, he became slightly ashamed again, but it was only because of his own feelings. His distance had never been because of the things that the boys had done, but rather his feelings towards the youngest brother. Maybe there was something wrong with the way Sam made him feel, but he struggled to see it. 

“It’s my duty to take care of you both,” Cas knew that it was a poor excuse—especially since he was lying in Sam’s arms in the current moment.

“It used to be maybe,” Sam added. “Why have you stuck around so long?”

Cas let the question float around in his mind for a bit. He’d come because he was ordered to. He’d tagged along because of divine causes and intentions. But why did he stay? He’d stayed because Sam and Dean offered him thoughts, feelings, and opinions that he didn’t know he could have. He’d stayed because the brothers accepted him so easily. He’d stayed because Dean was a loyal friend. He’d stayed because Sam never gave up on him. He’d stayed because Sam snuck his way into Castiel’s mind and heart. He’d stayed because he couldn’t bear to leave Dean. He’d stayed because he would’ve died without ever seeing Sam. He’d stayed because they were family.

“Family,” Cas finally answered. 

“Family?” Sam asked as his hand slid up Cas’ back and stroked his hair.

“You and Dean,” Cas nodded. “You’re my family.”

“We are,” Sam said, but not as a question. It was a statement.

“And you’re…I stayed because of you. In all my years watching over humanity, there’s never been one like you Sam.”

“Never, huh?”

“Not even one.”

“I don’t believe you,” Sam rolled them so he could hover over Castiel’s body, breath brushing against his skin.

“You should, I’m not lying.” Castiel informed him. “I’ve watched humanity for more years than you could dream of and you’re the first one,” Cas’ eyes grazed over Sam’s face, “who made me willing to give up everything.”

“I would never ask you to give up everything,” Sam kissed him down his jaw.

“That’s the second reason why there’s never been anyone like you,” Castiel smiled.

“I adore you,” Sam pressed a tender kiss to Castiel’s lips.

They kissed until Sam fell asleep and Castiel was perfectly okay with staying cuddled up next to him. It was foolish, but he felt safe in Sam’s arms. Sure, in all technicality, he was stronger than Sam, but Sam would do anything to keep Cas safe. The thought was pleasant. 

“I love you,” Castiel’s voice barely made a sound.

“Love you too,” Castiel grinned when Sam answered him. He knew that Sam was sleeping, but he also knew that Sam was never truly sleeping. Cas snuggled a little closer and relished in the feeling of Sam’s steady heartbeat.

Eventually, Castiel dozed into a barely-awake state, letting his eyes rest and his mind wander.


End file.
